operation harelip BJ is a go
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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