Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
