her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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