I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
