pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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