if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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