my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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