haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize