I just made out with a guy for $7.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
