is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
