I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
