I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
