Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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