you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
