Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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