If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize