There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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