i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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