What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
