Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
