Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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