IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
