you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
