Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
