half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
