everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
