i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
