can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
