I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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