The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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