Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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