When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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