just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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