like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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