I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Couch. On fire.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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