i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
