I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
