So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
