Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
