he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
