i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
