grandma shit on top of the toilet
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
