Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
