All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So much Jack, so little girl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
