in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
