I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
