she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
