Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
