The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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