I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
