I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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