I can tuck mytits in my pants
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
