This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
you made out with another girl for some wings
did i just pee glitter
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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