You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We're too hungover to prance.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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