im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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