eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
