Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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