You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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