at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
