Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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