First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
