and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
