My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
3 2 1 whiskey
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
