Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
