just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
