I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
