I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
