I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
