he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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