I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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