Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
