Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
