Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
