Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
