At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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