It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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