Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize