So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
