Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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