you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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