I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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