Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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