Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize