he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
