i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
