Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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