physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
handjob tips. give me some.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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