I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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