Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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