the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
