you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
