it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
