walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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