i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
