I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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