I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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