you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
