halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
