Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize