I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
